Lowell Steiger's Los Angeles Law Blog

From Actual Court Records

Another classic which was allegedly taken verbatim from an actual court case:

The Court: In this case the request is made for the appointment of the psychologist for the performance of an IQ test.  The court does not see the need for an IQ test since it appears to me that he is dumber than a fence post.

Counsel: Has the court stated it in numerical terms?

The Court: His IQ is less than zero.

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The Law Office of Lowell Steiger Represents Injured Victims

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Contact Attorney Lowell Steiger at          (323) 852-1100       

or via e-mail at lowell@steigerlaw.com

"Treated With the Respect That You Deserve"

www.steigerlaw.com

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Lawyer Joke

I liked this one:

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.  The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.  The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.  "Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney.

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The Law Office of Lowell Steiger Represents Injured Victims

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Contact Attorney Lowell Steiger at (323) 852-1100

or via e-mail at lowell@steigerlaw.com

"Treated With the Respect That You Deserve"

www.steigerlaw.com

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Slouching Towards Hypocrisy: Just Say "No" to Tort Reform

I just found this fantastic Slowpoke cartoon by Jen Sorensen entitled "Slouching Towards Hypocrisy."  Amusingly poignant.  To paraphrase former First Lady Nancy Reagan,  "Just Say No To Tort Reform."

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The Law Office of Lowell Steiger Represents Injured Victims

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Contact Attorney Lowell Steiger at (323) 852-1100

or via e-mail at lowell@steigerlaw.com

"Treated With the Respect That You Deserve"

www.steigerlaw.com

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Old Lawyers Fight at Deposition: Video

Here's what not to do at a deposition!!!  I've been to some pretty contentious depositions but this is a doozy.  Get your popcorn and enjoy the ride. Although this is fun to watch, I don't recommend this type of behavior at a deposition or any legal proceeding -- it does not foster good will and certainly impedes progress in one's case.

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The Law Office of Lowell Steiger Represents Injured Victims

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Contact Attorney Lowell Steiger at (323) 852-1100

or via e-mail at lowell@steigerlaw.com

"Treated With the Respect That You Deserve"

www.steigerlaw.com

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

The Mafia Godfather, The Bookkeeper and the Lawyer

Sometimes we, as lawyers, take ourselves a little too seriously.  So, in an attempt to change that mind set, here's a joke that someone forwarded to me this morning.  It doesn't make us look too good but it certainly made me smile!

Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.  His bookkeeper is deaf.  That was the reason he got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney who knows sign language.  The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.  The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK!  You win!  The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

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The Law Office of Lowell Steiger Represents Injured Victims

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Contact Attorney Lowell Steiger at (323) 852-1100

or via e-mail at lowell@steigerlaw.com

"Treated With the Respect That You Deserve"

www.steigerlaw.com

If you have suffered a Personal Injury, Call for a Free Consultation

Lawyer Jokes (New Entries)

Dear Readers,

I, for one, think it's healthy to laugh at oneself.  Please feel free to add more jokes under the "comments" section of this posting.

Lowell

lowell@steigerlaw.com

www.steigerlaw.com

The Lawyer and the Barber

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God’s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

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That's a Real Bargain

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."

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Published in the Salt Lake Tribune (allegedly from real court transcripts)

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So, you were gone until you returned?

You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

lowell@steigerlaw.com

www.steigerlaw.com

Attorney, Godfather and Bookkeeper

A mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says he'll never talk and you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

Lawyer Jokes - Post Them Here!

Dear Readers,

I have given this some thought and realize that, like it or not, people love lawyer jokes.  In fact, I love lawyer jokes.  So, what better place to read lawyer jokes than on a blog maintained by a lawyer?  Anyone who knows me knows that I take what I do very seriously but I also enjoy good humor. 

I'm starting with several jokes and hope that this will get you started: Please go to the comments section of this posting and add your own lawyer jokes.  My only request is to keep it clean.  Enjoy!

Lowell

A Lawyer and his BMW

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.

A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"

The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

Three Questions

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

Witness Stand

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."

The Pearly Gates

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Clarence Darrow

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

Remember, feel free to use the comments button below to add any lawyer jokes to this post!

Lowell

lowell@steigerlaw.com